today was 大舅妈's death anniversary. Its been 6 years. Long as it seems...
I chanced upon a photo, a family picture consisting of the whole family and her godson.
I missed her. she was gone when I was P5. I still remember it was during exams.
Maybe I'm more brave when I'm younger. I tend to be more emotional as I grow older. I think more as I grew. The more i think, the more I missed her and my other auntie. she was the first closed relative who left me. That was the first funeral I went. I will never forget how we cried and yelped when we saw her off during her cremation. It was through this piece of glass. She was just infront of us but she cant see us, cant feel us. During the funeral, I was all alone at night sitting beside the coffin and burning joss papers while they were outside. Those distant relatives said I was quite brave that I can be there alone. At that time, I dinthink of so much, I onlyknow that that was the only thing I can do, and not that I want to be brave or I really am brave. I'm not at all brave or strong. My cousins have already picked themselves up and carried on their lives without their mother. But me, I will still cry whenever I'm emotional and think of them. People are born to and to die. No one can stop it or prevent it. All of us will go through that, just that whether you are strong enough to let it sink into the bottom of your heart, letting them become a memory and not a burden. I held back tears and hushed. I cant cry, not now at that moment. Not when I'm about to get stronger and tougher.

Labels: memories that belongs to the little corner of my heart

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